Pastor Arnie’s Thoughts
Take Time To Be Wrong.
Agreeing with others, especially when they are pointing out your faults, is not easy,
but it can play a crucial role in peacemaking. When you are talking with another person,
first listen for the truth, resisting the temptation to defend yourself, blame
others, or focus on points of disagreement. Ask yourself, "Is there any truth in what he or she is saying?"
If your answer is "yes," acknowledge what is true and identify
your common ground before moving to your differences. Doing so is a
sign of wisdom and spiritual maturity. "Let a righteous man strike me--it is a
kindness; let him rebuke me--it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse
it" (Ps. 141:5). "He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home
among the wise" (Prov. 15:31; cf. 15:5; 17:10; 25:12). By agreeing with
the other person whenever possible, you can resolve certain issues
easily and then focus profitably on matters that deserve further discussion.
Think back to arguments you've had. Can you recall a single
instance when quickly defending yourself from the criticism of another brought peace? In contrast to
a quick defense, James exhorts us to be "quick to listen, slow to speak
and slow to become angry" (Jas. 1:19). Consider the beginning of
Proverbs 15:31: "He who listens to a life-giving rebuke..." Simply put,
listening requires time--and reflection on what's been said. You have
literally nothing (except pride) to lose and everything to gain by listening and not responding quickly
when someone points out what they believe to be a fault of yours.
The next time someone brings a rebuke your way, restrain
yourself from offering your verdict on their rebuke--whether that verdict be positive or negative--until
you've had time to check in with the Lord about it. Tell the other
person, "That's hard for me to hear, but I know I need to be quick
to listen and slow to speak. I'd like some time to think deeply about
what you've said." If it turns out that you still disagree with the
other person, at least you'll both have the benefit of knowing that
you're not responding at the jerk of a knee.
Arnie Kaufman
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